The lost Month?

At the end of each month I usually look at my calendar and review what has happened and what I experienced. I don't know why I do it, I just do. To my surprize this month really dragged, yet was full of events and crazy happenings. Maybe it was too full and my brain got overloaded, but it seems the goals I set out to accomplish didn't get done and a whole lotta nothing took it's place. I currently have requests/ projects for 2 childrens books, 3 paintings and several "little" things people have requested or that I want to get done. Yet my 'studio' space is completely in tatters and I can't create anything nice when the room is in such dissaray.... but I can't get to my art room to clean until the house hold chores are done, and the kids are taken care of. Yesterday Joseph was at his friend Zach's all day so I thought I would clean the house really quick and get to my room to work while Thurston watched a movie. Next thing I know I finished the laundry and cleaning and vacuuming and it is 5:30, Joseph needs to be picked up and dinner needs to be made. Preston will come home late because work is crazy and the Home teachers will be here soon. huh. Such is life, right? That has been my month. The problem, is when I have an idea or project my mind is on that and it builds up and builds up and I need to release it or I get really cranky (just ask Preston). Thus leading to the decline in my patience for my kids, then I feel bad for yelling at them. Preston feels bad because work has been demanding (that's what happens when they lay half the people off with the same amount of work left to do), and he is working at least 50 hours a week. By the time he comes home, IF the kids are still awake, he gets about an hour in before they are off to bed. But then they cry because they don't want to go to bed, they want to play. When they finally pass out, Preston and I find time to relax, he plays guitar, I read (by this time I am too tired to go work in the art room), sitting side by side on our bed talking about the day. It is then that we vent and then are grateful that we have each other, and with the boys asleep and quiet, we are grateful for them as well. Alarm goes off, we do it again. I liked my life better when I let the house get messy and I didn't care. I didn't focus on what others thought when they came over, my mind was more on what my kids were doing, my projects and the feeling/ experiences that my kids remember, like dancing in the livingroom like idiots.

But then I analysed why I was acting this way and realised that if I cleaned my art room, I could paint, and the projects I have are challenging and bottom line, I am afraid I will screw them up or not do them as well as I could. So I am telling myself to get over it and get my butt to work.

The End